The Role of Language in Therapy

As a counsellor, while working with clients who speak my mother tongue - Marathi; I’ve often found myself feel the words in a much more real way than with other clients. Sometimes it makes me question whether this linguistic gap can ever be bridged in the therapeutic space, unless of course I decide to learn all the languages there are. But since we have the option of using English as a universal language, that hasn’t been such a problem with the clients I have worked with till now. Here I have tried to compile a few thoughts I had about the role that language and words play in the realm of psychological counselling. 

When I noticed a client use “obviously” a lot, in sentences like “I felt hurt, but obviously I didn’t tell him” or “obviously he snapped at me, he was tired” we discovered that it was rooted in the fact that there was lack of accountability for one’s own actions, invalidation of one’s own feelings and a tendency to justify others’ wrongful behaviours.

When a client finds setting boundaries difficult, and can’t find the answer to “What do you think will happen if you say ‘no’ to people?”, then flipping the question might help. When I asked - “What do you think will happen when you say ‘Yes’ to people?”, it brought clarity to my client in the form of answers like – “They will like me, and they will be there for me when I need them”, and voila! The flip side of it is also true. 

One of the breakthroughs we had in a session was when I used strong words while reframing something that the client had mentioned. The conversation looked something like this - 

“She’s being distant and I feel like she doesn’t like me anymore. She says that everything is fine, but I can’t see it” he said. 

After a brief pause, I asked “Do you think your relationship is falling apart?”

This was a client who hadn’t cried for almost a year, but after hearing that, he couldn’t help but to let it all out as the gravity of the situation came to light. Now I am not trying to advocate making your clients cry here. What I am trying to say is that language holds the power to facilitate the process of experiencing the emotions that have been profusely discussed but haven’t been felt. 

In an online session, while working with a non-Indian client whose camera wouldn’t work that day, language became the only way for us to understand each other. English not being her first language what helped me gauge exactly what she meant was reflecting and clarifying a lot; keeping a track of the words she used when she wanted to convey something even when the words are supposed to mean something else, and ultimately, reading between the lines. 

I have always been fascinated by linguistic nuances, wordplay and puns. But learning your client’s catchphrases and their personal dictionary opens doors for you to enter the client’s world and speak their language.